From Porn Sites to Christ’s Light

I grew up in a Catholic family and attended 3 Catholic schools, unfortunately I was a certified “lukewarm Catholic” when I hit my 20’s. It was in my 20’s that my immoral life went to another level. I was addicted to porn and was practicing pre-marital sex. I also accompanied my former boss, who was married, go out to strip clubs and “spas.” I was working as a web designer then for an online gambling company, and do porn websites on the sides.

My life then was all about me. I sought all the pleasure the fallen world could give. I lived in mortal sin, and I was not repentant about it. (Thank God, I did not die back then.)

But God did not quit on me. With God’s mercy and grace, and with the prayers of my uncle, I had a conversion experience before my 26th birthday. It was 3 events that led me back to Christ and His Catholic Church.

The first event was when I first read Chicken Soup for the Soul #2. I remembered crying as I read the stories about people who gave themselves to others on that book. For the first time in my life, I realized that life is not about selfishness, it was about self-giving, it is about love. And I also realized that my selfish ways of life was wrong and I have to change.

I started reading inspirational books, and staying away from Catholic literatures. I was still attached to my sins and I don’t want to be confronted about them. I knew if I started reading Catholic literature, I could not plead ignorance anymore, I knew how hard it is to be a real Catholic. And I did not want that.

The second event was when I bought a book about Mother Teresa’s life. I thought it was harmless enough. But I was wrong. I also cried as I read that book. After reading that book, I knew that I wanted to serve the poor for the rest of my life. And I also realized that I would need Jesus if I wanted to do that. Mother Teresa was straight forward in saying that it was Jesus who gave her strength to do what she did, and I wanted that strength for myself.

So that is when I started to go back to the Catholic Church. I knew in my heart that I will find Jesus in His Church, which is also His Body. So I started watching EWTN on cable and reading a lot of Catholic books. It was the first time I really got Catechize. It was the first time I understood what it means to be a real Catholic. I also started going to Mass more often.

The last event was when I was in an evening Mass in St Francis Church in Mandaluyong. I believe it was after I received communion and I was kneeling at the back that I had this clear and profound realization, that God created me, therefore He owns me. And the logical thing for me to do was give Him back my life. And so I did… in tears.

God gave me a lot of opportunity to make amends/reparation for the selfishness and sins I have committed and spread.

After that, for 4 years I was a volunteer of the Missionaries of Charity. I helped around the orphanage, teach Catechism to poor kids, and helped give medicines to the poor.

As for the sins I spread on the web, God led me to start my own blog website, www.inspirationalblogs.com. There I write about Jesus and Catholic spirituality. Every now and then, I get emails from depressed people who found the writings uplifting. It gets around 5,000 hits a month and have total hits of 73,000 since I started it last 2009. I also started last year http://www.youtube.com/catholicanimated, where I post Pro-life, Catechism and inspirational animations. It is now on 11,000 views.

My friends and I also have started a feeding program for malnourished public school students in Tanay, Rizal. We are on our second school year and feeding 70 kids. And every Christmas we give 200 malnourished kids and their family a Christmas party, groceries and toys (which started with 12 grocery bags given to 12 families 5 years ago.)

St. Paul says, “Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more” (Rom 5:20). No matter how far we have fallen to sin, God’s mercy can reach us. No matter how far deep we are in the darkness, Jesus can bring us back to the Light. Jesus can bring us back to Life.

I lived a miserable and empty life before I met Jesus. I did it “my way,” and my way sucks!

Lent is a time of Grace, a time of conversion, and at the end of it is the opportunity for a new life, a resurrection. All you need to have this new life is to ask, seek and knock on Jesus, and He will give it to you. He will give Himself to you. And when you have Jesus you have everything.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6)

By Daxx Bondoc
(An article for my former Parish newsletter)